Not All It's Cracked Up to Be

The truth is every kid dreams of growing up. Every kid dreams of their own house with their own rules. Their own car and an open road. Their own money and the freedom to spend it as they please. Their own decisions.

No bed time. No vegetables (if they so choose). No one to tell them how to live. Nothing to govern their lives but themselves.

Or at least that's the glorified kid idea of grown up. The reality never really occurs to them. Why should it? They don't see it. So instead they dream of the glorified time when they can grow up and live their lives as they see fit.

And of course, kids grow up. And reality does hit. Like a train. I've blogged a lot about growing up recently. I guess that's because my Reality Train finally hit. Yea, I have my own car. And yea I have my own money. I also have my own bills. And while my parents are still generous enough to help me pay them, that doesn't make them any less overwhelming.

I came home and was told that my phone bill was to become my responsibility. My medical bills not covered by insurance are becoming my responsibility. I just bought a car--my insurance is my responsibility. Suddenly all the little things children never think about are my adult responsibility.

Part of me appreciates that I'm learning. That when I graduate from Ole Miss all these realities won't hit me then. Part of me is terrified. I know my parents won't allow me to fail. But I look at my bank account and all I can think is: I can't afford this. And there's that annoying train again.

I, like any other child, wanted to grow up. I dreamt of the day I would have a car and a little freedom. Some money. And I've been careful and smart about how I've handled my money so far in college. Up to this point, I've probably even been a little spoiled. My parents have taken care of my primary bills, and I paid bills for grocery and necessities. Now I'll be paying for much more. I'll have to be a lot smarter about how I handle my money.

Welcome to adult life.

A Car of My Own

My new Ford Escape

I have driven a truck my entire life. Until now.

I started learning to drive at nine years old in our pasture. I put a dent in my dad's pickup learning to navigate through the pasture gate when my dad decided I needed to get a feel for driving. At age nine. But because I spent those seven years learning to drive around our pasture in a pickup, at sixteen that's all I wanted. I was going to drive a pick up truck. And I did. I drove a Dodge Ram 1500 all through high school and all through this past year at Ole Miss.

However, I learned this year: Ole Miss isn't exactly set up for pick ups. There isn't a ton of parking. Not on campus. Not on the Oxford Square. It quickly became clear that parking a pick up was always going to be a challenge. Not to mention the fact that driving from Texas to Mississippi isn't exactly the shortest drive known to man. And gas is not exactly cheap.

So it was time for me to get my own car--and as unfortunate as it was, I knew a truck was not going to be a practical investment for my next three years in Oxford. So I had to figure out a way to get high enough off the ground to not feel like I was in a car--I hate driving cars--without actually buying a truck.

Answer: Ford Escape.

In my last two blog posts, I've talked a lot about feeling like I've grown up a lot over the course of the past year. My time away from home isn't the only thing that is making me feel more adult. I recently bought a car of my very own, a Ford Escape. It'll serve it's purpose, and it'll fit in Oxford. And I really like it, even if it isn't a truck (which I admit is an idea that will take some getting used to). And did I mention it's my very own? Paid for with my money. I never realized before that owning the car you drive really changes the way you look at it. Each time you're behind the wheel, it feels a bit different. It's all yours, the way it drives, the acceleration, all bought and paid for with your own money.

I'm proud of myself for the investment. Even if, while it is exciting to have my own vehicle, it also feels like the end of an era. I'm going to miss all the surprised looks when I would get out of the truck--people were always surprised someone so little was driving a vehicle so large. But my Escape is mine and perfect for what I'm doing with my life right now. And it's just one more thing that makes me feel grown up.

Late Night Thoughts: Pondering My Freshman Year

Me and two of my best friends at Freshman Convocation at the beginning of the year

I think it's just now really sinking in that I'm a quarter of the way through college. I've been home for a couple days, but I think this is the first time it's really hitting me that freshman year is over. Maybe it should have happened when I drove across the River or when I drove across the Texas state line. Or maybe when my parents took me for Mexican food. Hell, it probably should've registered when I finished my last final and checked out of the dorm. But for whatever reason, sitting at home tonight, it hit me: I am a college sophomore.

For a year I have lived two states away from my parents, managed my money, worked, and gone to school. For a year, I have worked towards my future career and been essentially on my own.

In the course of that time, I've made some great friends, traveled to New York and New Orleans, and learned a lot of interesting things. I've had and taken advantage of many great opportunities at Ole Miss and the Honors College there.

I had a really great year. Everyone making their college decisions wonders, in the back of their mind, if it's truly the right place for them. I wondered too. I admit it. There was a part of me that was a little afraid. And I will even admit that driving out of my home town to move in, I cried. (However lame that may be.) But there is no doubt in my mind now. I made the right choice. Ole Miss is without a doubt my school, my university.

But Freshman year is about more than simply confirming one's collegiate decision. My roommate and I, during the course of one of our late night "pillow talks," discussed that Freshman year, the first time one is truly on one's own is really a year in which one grows up. I'm not saying that adults are made in the freshman year of college. People still have some maturing and growing up to do, but it is the first time one has the opportunity to truly discover themselves without any influence from family. True, for some, like myself, freshman year only cemented the values I already had. I came to school, raised a certain way, and with certain values. While, like any freshman, I was exposed to ideas and people with ideas vastly different than my own, my personal value system didn't really change. Nor did my behavior. Which is fine. I still feel like the person I am was cemented and shaped by my time in college so far. I honestly believe that my exposure to various belief systems, ideas, and people has truly broadened my horizons and made me a better educated person. As corny as that may sound.

It's been a good year. It's been a year in which I feel I kinda grew up. I feel a lot better equipped to handle life in the real world, and of course, much better than I did a year ago about how I will fare in college. I know and understand how to manage my money, classes, job, and social life. Freshman year is over, but the lessons I learned remain. The friends and the memories remain. And in August, I'll go back to Ole Miss a sophomore...

ThatAwkwardMoment I'm Growing Up...

If life were a road...

I feel old. I realize I'm only nineteen and I have my whole life ahead of me and all that, but I still feel old. Or maybe, to put it more accurately, I feel like somewhere along the way over the past year or so, I grew up. Which is nice in some ways...but it's a little bittersweet too.

I'm back in Texas for the first time since Christmas Break, and as much as I love my family and this state, it's a bit weird. I come home now and find that my mother has altered some of the decor. The house that was my home for eighteen years is changing without me, which is of course to be expected. I don't dream for a moment that because I've gone off to school, everything at home will stay the same. I never expected that, but it doesn't make the reality of obvious change in a place that was once so incredibly familiar any less surprising. Each time I am coming home, I think of the place I grew up in with the furniture and wall hangings I grew up with--and every time I come home, it isn't that place anymore. It's been transformed. And it isn't a bad transformation. It always looks nice; my mom is a good decorator. It's still strange though to walk into a place that I know so well, and realize it isn't what I once knew.

The town is no different than the house. There is construction and new businesses. And old businesses that have closed. Roads I used to drive all the time have new potholes and roadsigns. There's new residential areas and new traffic areas. It isn't the same. And it shouldn't be. But it serves as a reminder everytime I come home, that I'm not a part of this place anymore. The ties I have here are to a few good friends, some memories, and family.

I am growing up. The places and things that were once such an integral part of my existence have ceased to hold such significance. When I return to them, they've changed and to me, feel more like broken remnants of my past with only a temporary hold on my present. My family is constant and thank God, always will be. The house is constant, I will always have a place here. But the place for me is no longer a place that will feel, at the core, as my own. The place changes without me and moves on, just as I move on. I may have a place here, but each time I return to it, I am reminded that this place is no longer my own, it is no longer the home I always remember. I left it behind, and somehow in the course of my time away, I grew up. When I come home, I feel it's a visit. It's my home; it's where my family are, but at the end of the day, it's a reminder that if life were a road, I'd have already driven well past the portion in which I am truly a part of this place. Strange to come back to the home of childhood only to realize I'm grown up...

2012 New Year's Goals (a bit late)

Okay...so generally, I'm not exactly one for New Year's Resolutions. I mean, I, like anyone, consider things that could've gone better the year before and what changes need to be made as one year ends and another begins. Sure. But generally, I feel calling them New Year's Resolutions just asks for them to be dropped two or three weeks into January. Cause let's be real, it happens that way. A lot. Like an awful lot. So instead let's just call them this year's goals/things to work towards.

A Texas Girl's Goals for 2012

1. Time Management/Balance: Okay, I didn't do half bad on this last semester. The goal is to keep it up. I would like to keep my half decent GPA. I would like to keep hanging out with friends. I would like to keep my job at the Writing Center. I would like to keep working out regularly (otherwise I'll probably go insane). And it would be nice if I didn't die of sleep deprivation...like I said, these are goals. Works in progress. I found a balance last semester, time to do it once again.
2. Eat Better. Okay, cliche. I know. Don't judge here. The truth is, I'm a runner. And I need to eat. And sometimes my version of college eats...is well, college eats and it's not exactly the most nutritious diet ever. Oops.
3. Don't Stress/Work Out: With me, these go together. I find I'm more productive/happier unstressed and worked out. I've done a good job of doing this since my sophomore year of High School. Yay me! 
4. Try More New Things: One of my favorite things about college is that I've been exposed to different foods, people, events, mindsets, etc. Since coming to Ole Miss, I've done some things I never would have imagined myself doing, and had a great time. 
5. Read More Books for Me: I love learning. And I love college. But good Lord, I gotta get better and actually try to read a little for me (while I'm here)!
6. Blog More: Pretty much failed all my readers last semester. I humbly apologize. I'll try to do better. 
7. Travel: 2011 brought New York. 2012 has been challenged.
8. Work on books/short stories: This also kinda got put on hold last semester. Probably because I wrote at least one paper (usually more than one) every week for a class. This next semester should *hopefully* allow me to spend my time on microsoft word focusing on my creative writing. I've missed it!
9. Go Explore Oxford (more): Alright, so last semester I did a bunch of cool stuff on and around campus. And it was fun and I loved it! But, I would like to head out to the lake around here and go explore the town a little more. I've heard rumors of a Farmer's Market and oh, it's definitely a real possibility.

Alright, so looking over these again, I feel they are a bit cliche. But I still feel they are worth working towards! (Clearly, they are cliche for a reason. So there!)

So, my neglected readers, got any goals for 2012? Happy (belated) New Years!

Things I've Learned About College

I've now had several weeks to reflect (and recover from) semester one of college. Like anything else in life, there were some challenging moments, but of course, they were balanced out with some great moments.

I've done a lot of studying. Written a lot of papers. Spent a lot of time in the library. I've gone out on the weekends. Stayed up late at night. Spent quite a bit of time making some amazing friends.

I survived my first semester. Posted a decent GPA, and am about to go back to Mississippi to do it all over again. In the course of this past semester, while studying and hanging out I've learned a few important things about college:

    1. Know your liquors: Okay, this sounds really shallow and dumb. And generally, poor advice. But hear me out, I’m not saying that you have to drink. You can have fun and be sober. However, people discuss booze. A lot. It’s worth doing some googling just so you know what people are talking about.

2.  Don’t be afraid to try new things and do things you wouldn’t usually picture yourself doing. Some of my favorite memories of college so far are things I would never have believed I would do if you’d told me a year ago. But college is made up of memories like that and you shouldn’t miss out on them.

3.    People are crazy. Seriously. There will always be the drama queens, the creepers, people who can’t handle their liquors, people who can handle their liquors. There will always be people doing and saying stupid things. It’s a trademark of humanity. 

4. If you don’t own a pair of sweats, invest. I have fondly referred to them as my “Sunday sweats.” (This also applies to athletic shorts.) I swore I wasn’t going to run around in sweats before I came to college…I was in sweats the first Sunday I was here. 

5.    Don’t have an online addiction yet? Don’t worry, college fixes that fast. Facebook and Twitter. Learn it. Love it. You’ll be well acquainted. (After all, how else do you avoid writing your papers?)

6.    Sunday is a study day. All day. You don’t have to like it, but you probably will have to live it. (At least if you want a degree…)

A Texas Girl Visits New York

How many people can say they went to New York without bothering to pay for a hotel or the flight?

Not too many. But I can. Thank you Ole Miss Honors College!

I started my Christmas break by spending four days in New York, which as it turns out is not quite the city Hollywood helped me to imagine it would be. Perhaps I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's one too many times, but somehow I pictured a busy city full of people anxious to get somewhere in nice clothes. Busy streets.

There is that. But I didn't think about the dirty streets or the strange smells in the subway.  I didn't bank on the never ending commercialism or the cost of food. I realized pretty quickly that despite my dream of being a book editor and author, New York is most definitely not a place I ever want to live. However, it is most definitely a fun place to visit! And I am certainly glad I was able to spend four days exploring New York, taking in the sites. Even cooler, one of those days I was able to interview a book editor as part of my Honors college project! (Definitely a job I am excited to *hopefully* have one day!)

One of my favorite sites my group and I visited was Ellis Island. (If you ever get the chance to go, it is most definitely worth the time and money!) I've always enjoyed history and this particular museum is extremely interesting. It was interesting to see what people felt was important enough to bring across an ocean. Not only that, but to see what types of tests and questions immigrants were asked before being allowed into the United States. There are multiple floors to wander through with various pictures, facts, graphs, and set ups to help the viewer understand the citizenship process of Ellis Island. If I am ever back in New York, I will definitely try to go back. We spent several hours on Ellis Island, but it was an awesome museum and I'd love to go back!

I also really enjoyed visiting the Dead Sea Scroll Exhibit at the Discovery Museum. After taking a class on world's religions this past semester, this particular exhibit was extremely interesting. It was great to walk through the exhibit seeing and reading about things we'd discussed in class.

This exhibit was extremely well done. There were several interactive portions that conveyed even more information. I spent approximately three hours wandering through the exhibit and reading about the scrolls, their history, and their significance. It is certainly another exhibit I would without a doubt go back to and I now have several books on my reading list regarding the topic.

My trip to New York was definitely a great way to kick off my Christmas break! I was able to walk 5th Avenue, see a Broadway play, walk through Central Park, see the Statue of Liberty, see Grand Central Station, etc etc. I can now officially say I've been to New York, and in four days, I managed to see most of the major sites!